Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
