im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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