butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
