I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
