you will always have a special place in my vag
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
