You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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