Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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