I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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