how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
