so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
