why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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