Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
