I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
