It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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