He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
