I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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