just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
