there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
