Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Randomize
