Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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