We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
