Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
