You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dear god my vagina.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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