His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the day after is always just damage control
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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