I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize