is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
