I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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