im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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