I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Randomize
