Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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