take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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