Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
