Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
