Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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