You really coming over, don't trick.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
