I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
