If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
