i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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