I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
