It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize