My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
