Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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