just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
