he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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