how can u be prego again
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
