Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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