Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
