she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
