Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
