You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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