My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
