my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
