Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
