If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
