i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
