Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
