well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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