I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
