If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
