tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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