i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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