u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Pants are for mortals
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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