I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
