So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
