that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
