She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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