so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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