Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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